Stay With Me
by ElleMarie291
Summary: A Katniss/Peeta story inspired by the Sam Smith song 'Stay With Me'. Set after the war and looks at my take of Katniss and Peeta finding each other again after the war. Reviews are welcomed and encouraged. Please enjoy.
1. And Deep Down I Know This Never Works

**A/N: **

**Hey there to anyone who reads this fanfic =) Thanks for choosing my story =) So just a little back story I am not a writer by an means, I am just a young mum of two littlies who stumbled upon this site and found it a great creative outlet. I write these stories (this being my second) as a release and a break from my mummy duties. **

**This story was inspired by the Sam Smith song 'Stay With Me'. As soon as I heard the song all I could see in my head was Peeta and Katniss, so every chapter will be based around a line in the song. I really hope you enjoy the story and you're able to appreciate my effort. I apologise in advance for any sspelling or grammatical errors, I hope that if you enjoy the story that you can look past any little mistakes. Any and all reviews are welcomed and appreciated. It is always a wonderful source of encouragement. **

**Also, I think it goes without saying but I do not own the Hunger Games or any of the characters.**

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I never used to have my shower scolding hot, never. I would have the temperature warm and the exhaust fan on over head. I liked things cool, despite what people were lead to believe. I may have been the girl on fire but the heat had never called to me. I guess it's just another thing I can add to the list of things that have changed since the war ended.

Panem had changed; the capital and the districts had changed. District twelve had changed, where there once were buildings there now was rubble and where there once were bodies now stood bones. Although now I guess it was changing again, as they began to rebuild. The games had changed, from a living fear to a dead nightmare. The tributes had changed, Annie, Johanna, Haymitch, Peeta…. My Peeta. Although maybe that had changed too. My Peeta, someone else's Peeta, no one's Peeta? I didn't know anymore. My mother had changed, although she lived far away now so it was nice in her absence to know you could always count on some things staying the same, she couldn't deal with it all. Gale had changed, from my best friend to …. Not my best friend. Prim had changed. She used to be a living, breathing, laughing, un-tucked, perfect little human now she is a ghost, a memory and a garden at the front of my house. A few plants, that's all she is now.

I changed. Where I was once focused I was now fuzzy. Where I was once smooth I am rough, jagged and broken. I used to be strong and now I scream endless notes of horror into the darkness of night. Stuck in nightmares I can't escape, even when I open my eyes. Where I was once hard, I now felt soft. I used to threaten and kick at the ugly tabby that Prim had adopted but now I let it sit by me while I stared into the silence around me. A hand wrapped securely around his fur, afraid to let go of him and lose everything I ever had. Where I once went to the woods to hunt and be free, I now just sat and hid. Trying desperately to grasp any part of who I was with every release of an arrow from my father's bow. Instead every kill left me feeling empty and hollow, reliving images I tried desperately to forget. That is the girl I was now, scared, empty, crying over a dead squirrel and broken. Now I could add that I was the girl who would run the shower water so hot, ignoring the stinging on my new flesh as the water pounded my body, leaving the fan off to fog up the entire bathroom in thick and heavy steam. Because if the bathroom steamed up then so would the mirror, and if the mirror was too fogged I wouldn't have to actually look at my reflection and I could continue to deny the me who stood there.

I wrapped a course towel that itched my still raw skin around my body and left the bathroom, without glancing at the bathroom mirror, lines of condensation running down and leaving track marks through the fog. I stepped quietly into my room and dressed in a pair of plain black pants and a white shirt with three quarter sleeves. I let my hand work quickly and without a second thought as they braided my still wet hair down my back. It had begun to thicken out again and fell midway down my back. I could still smell the off charred scent to it though, despite the aggravating amounts of conditioners I had used to mask it. I had begun to think the smell wasn't so much in my hair but in my head. I sat down on the end of my bed to pull on socks and felt my necklace fall free of my shirt as I bent forward. A long silver chain held a simple silver pendant with a small dark colored pearl in the centre, Peeta's pearl. I had it placed in the setting a month or two ago, wearing it around my neck and resting on my heart ever since. I held it tightly in my hand and thought about the boy who had given it to me.

He hadn't just given me this pearl; he had given me many things in the last three years. So many emotions like panic, fear, frustration, pain, desire, hope and love. I had never admitted the last three out loud but they were true and even if I never said the words out loud I would always know that Peeta Mellark had been someone to give me hope in the confusing and complicated world that we lived in, that he had been the one to make me feel desire, a desire to live, to fight and unlike any other person a desire for him, a desire to do things and say things to him that I had never done or said before. Things such as 'I love you'. Because I did then and now and likely always would. I love Peeta Mellark, the boy with the bread, the boy with the pearl, the boy with my heart and he didn't even know it. He had always done what he thought was best for me like joining careers to save me in the first games, trying to sacrifice himself for my life in the second, fighting against Snow despite the consequences during the war and now he was giving me space because that's what I had asked for. Maybe in not so many words but I had withdrawn and hidden away and Peeta had let me because all Peeta had ever wanted was for me to be happy. Selfless and beautiful Peeta, the boy I could live a thousand life times and still never deserve.

I knew that he had been coming around though, because every day when Sae would come over to make sure I hadn't been starving myself there was fresh bread, and cheese buns, always cheese buns. I wasn't sure if maybe I was reading into things a little too much but a desperate part of me hoped that this was his way of telling me that he hadn't given up on me, that he was still waiting for me and he accepted that the war had left more then a few cracks in me. I wanted him to be waiting but I knew in this moment that he could only wait so long, that I needed to make a move of some sort if I wanted him too. I slipped my feet into my worn boots, feeling as they molded with familiarity around my feet. I stood up and took a deep breath, knowing that today had to be the day I finally moved.

**_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo_**

I walked calmly towards Haymitch's home, watching as he came into the front yard with a large bag of feed over his shoulder that he poured into a large trough at his feet. Within seconds a gaggle of geese rushed up and began to scoff the food down their beaks.

"Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes, sweet heart." He greeted me roughly without looking in my direction.

"Your eyes probably wouldn't be so sore if you weren't hung over Haymitch." I retorted. He chuckled at me enjoying our banter.

"You have a point sweet heart. So what brings you back to the land of the living?"

"Figured it was time to start getting over myself I guess. I can't live my life like a recluse." I shrugged.

"You've got too much to live for and all the crap?" He asked, not truly expecting an answer.

"So you have decided to be a daddy to geese?" I asked him, nodding towards the aviary at my feet.

"I guess we all find what gets us through right? Those of us whose nightmares seem a little darker and a little more persistent are all just searching for a way through. Annie has F.J, Johanna got a dog and I got geese. The real question is what your saving grace is sweet heart?" I shrugged him off, not because I didn't know what would help to calm my nightmares but because I didn't want to admit it out loud. So I chose, instead to change the subject.

"Johanna got a dog?" I asked.

"Didn't you get her letter?" He asked me.

"I recently went through a period of boycotting my mail."

"And how is that going for you?" he asked and we both chuckled.

"Well it seems I have been missing some pretty important information lately. You know those critical points like Johanna's mutt." We stood in a comfortable silence for few minutes, watching the happy geese as they waddled around our feet and pecked at random bits and pieces on the ground. I realized that I had missed Haymitch during my self imposed isolation. Despite the ways he was able to annoy the life out of me he and I seemed to be cut from the same cloth and looking around at he and his family of geese made me hopeful that I could pull off some kind of normal life, even if it meant I self medicated and became a crazy cat lady. It would be something in the very least. I took a deep breath and turned towards the gate.

"I will see you later Haymitch."

I made my way down the pathway and out of the garden gate. I heard Haymitch call out behind me.

"He paints and bakes." I turned over my shoulder too look at Haymitch, confused at who and what he was talking about.

"The boy." He said nodding towards Peeta's house. "He paints and bakes. But both are for you. You are what gets him through." Haymitch called to me before turning around and making his way back inside the house. I shook my head at his words and continued my walk into town.

I walked into the centre of town and was surprised at the progress that was being made. The debris and mess, bodies and bones had been cleared away and buildings had begun to take shape. A few stores had reopened and begun dealing trades again and many of them had windows with large and bright 'coming soon' signs. I tried to take in all the progress without allowing the bitterness to over take me. I knew that this was life and what living it meant but to see the town be made over, some what the same but yet so different, the new and improved district twelve only made me ache for the old life; before the games, before the rebellion and before I lost my sister. Part of me, despite knowing that the new Panem was better for the greater good, still longed to have everything like before if it meant that I could keep Prim. I took a deep breath and pushed the thoughts that threatened to break me to the back of my mind. A banner in one of the store windows caught my eye, thankfully at that moment.

'Mellark's Bakery – Coming Soon'

Peeta was opening a new bakery. Maybe Haymitch was wrong, well half wrong. The baking was getting Peeta through, but it had absolutely nothing to do with me. My stomach dropped a little with the realization and I knew that even though it was selfish I was disappointed that I wasn't the sun in Peeta's life. Oh god, how very tragic I had become. I stepped closer to the window and peeked inside, putting my hand above my face against the window trying to block the glare and see inside better. I couldn't see much but from what I could see it seemed so true to Peeta. It was warm and inviting. In that moment I couldn't help but feel an entirely undeserved surge of pride in him and his ability to move forward despite all he had lost. I dropped my hand from the window as another realization hit me. It seemed like today was going to be the day for some life changing revelations. This one hit me hard, all of a sudden like a punch in the gut and it hurt. Peeta had made it through everything and he remained a good person. He had lost everything, his home and his family and even a part of himself in the capital and yet here he was not only making the best of it for himself but even doing his bit to make the entire district better. I on the other hand was hiding away from everyone, resenting this country and every person in it because for some reason or another it was all their fault in some way that I had been the mockingjay, he face of a rebellion and in being that face I had lost Prim. I had spent months of my life resenting hundreds of people for something they had no control over. I spent months reliving the moment I watched my sister go up in flames blaming everyone, including Peeta and here he was putting aside it all. He would make me fresh bread every single day, never once blaming me for the life he had been given after the war which was very much my fault. I felt tears silently run down my cheeks as I allowed this realization to take over. I was so caught up in my own emotional crisis that I didn't notice the store door opening and the figures expelling from inside. If I wasn't too caught up in my own poignant epiphany then I would have seen the men's strange looks as they took in the crying nut job. It wasn't until I heard my name that I was pulled from my mental calamity.

"Katniss?" I turned at the familiar voice, a voice that I hadn't heard in person for months but that was in my dreams and memories almost ever moment of every day and night. His stunning ocean blue eyes were staring into me with over whelming concern. When my wet and steely grey eyes met his it was as though my soul had made it home. I quickly tried to wipe away the tears, knowing already that it was futile. He had seen me cry and I doubted that he was going to let it go.

"Hey, Peeta." I said, trying a little too hard to sound relaxed and sounding a little crazy. Ok, maybe a lot crazy. He raised an eyebrow at me, looking like he wasn't sure if he should approach me to provide comfort or call a mental health team. He took a step towards me.

"Are you ok? He asked me kindly.

"Yeah, of course, I am fine." I said, although the sniff afterwards gave away my already plain to see position.

"Really? Because you kind of seem upset." He prodded gently. I chuckled a little at him. Trust Peeta to remain ever the diplomat in these situations. Had it been reversed I would have told him to stop lying because people don't cry for no reason. Actually in second thought, had the situation been reversed I wouldn't have been a good enough person to check on Peeta's well being in the first place. God I sucked.

"I am just being silly, getting overwhelmed by all the changes." I said. It wasn't an outright lie but it wasn't the entire truth either. I hoped that Peeta wouldn't see through me and even if he did I hoped he wouldn't probe further. He seemed satisfied with my answer and nodded.

"I know what you mean. Everything is so different around here. But it is great to see the district finally coming back together." He said. It was my turn to politely nod. "So are you staying around here or are you heading back home?" He asked me. I thought about what I wanted to do for a second and realized that what I truly wanted to do was whatever Peeta was doing but I couldn't very well say 'well I will just tag along after you.' So I settled for what I would have done had he not come out of the store and caught me in that moment.

"I guess I am heading back home." I said.

"You guess?" He asked, chuckling slightly. I laughed as well before answering him.

"Yeah, I think I have had more then enough exploring today." I clarified.

"Well it has been a while since you have been out and about. It is a lot to get used to." I felt my heart skip at his words and the thought that perhaps my absence had been of particular notice to him. "Well if you are heading home would you mind if I walked with you?" He asked. I felt my breath hitch and my heart quicken. Peeta must have noticed as he continued, "I mean only if it's ok. If you want to be alone I understand and won't be offended."

"No, that's fine, let's walk together." I said, smiling at him genuinely. We turned towards the victor's village and began to walk side by side.

"So when will you open the bakery?" I asked him.

"Well the construction guys have been working on the kitchen and if all goes well it should be another three maybe four weeks."

"I am glad you have found what gets you through." I said quietly.

"What gets me through?" He asked looking towards me puzzled.

"Just something Haymitch said." I said, shaking it off. Peeta didn't quiz me further and we continued on towards our houses in silence, occasionally glancing at one another. As we made our way through the arch to the victors village and closer to our respective houses I turned to Peeta.

"Peeta would you like to come to dinner tonight? At my house I mean." I blurted out.

"Oh, um, sure Katniss that would be great." He said and I felt butterflies invade my stomach.

"Great. Is seven ok?" I asked him.

"Sounds great." He said, smiling hi perfect crooked smile. I turned around and moved back towards the town.

"Uh, Katniss, what exactly are you doing?" Peeta asked me, laughing.

"I, um, well I need food, for dinner." I said laughing at myself. "I invited you before thinking and realizing I actually have no food at home. I have been living off the food Sae brings me… and cheese buns." I say blushing. I see Peeta blush also at my words before scratching his head and looking up at me.

"I have food, why not come to my house. I have had your cooking before and it may be safer." He said laughing at me.

"Hey you are not supposed to pick on a woman when she has just so graciously invited you to her home for dinner." I said, pretending to pout. "Ok I will see you at seven." I said before walking to my front door. I glanced back towards Peeta as he disappeared behind his own front door before closing mine.

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I walked over towards Peeta's home careful of the pace I was taking. The last thing I wanted was Peeta to glance out his window and see me running towards his house, firstly it would be beyond embarrassing and secondly I am not sure how I would explain it. I reached the steps, identical to those that lead into my own house. Stopping before his door, I took a deep breath before knocking, using more force then was necessary in my exhilarated state. I heard Peeta's heavy footsteps as he approached the door and wiped my hands against my pants to rid them of the sweat that was making them feel slick. The door opened to reveal Peeta, whose face split into the bright crooked smile I loved when he seen me. I couldn't help the small smile from escaping my own lips.

"Hey Katniss, come on in." He said, gesturing for me to move inside his house. I stepped over the threshold and through into the kitchen. Like all houses in the victor's village, his home was a carbon copy of mine, down to the same furnishings. There was touched of Peeta around the place though, in the very ways where my own home felt empty and cold, Peeta's felt warm and full of life. Just another reminder of how Peeta was the selfless and amazing one out of the two of us. I sat down at the small dining table that sat in the kitchen area; places had already been set with utensils, salts, a large gravy boat, and glasses of water and a basket of bread in the centre.

"Dinner smells amazing Peeta." I told him earnestly. The entire house was filled with a delicious aroma that I had been able to smell from outside and that was making my mouth water.

"Thanks, I thought I would challenge myself tonight with something I have never tried before. Hopefully its taste lives up to the smell." He said before moving a large tray from the oven. He loaded up a serving plate with baked potatoes, pumpkin, carrot and onion and brought it over to sit on the table. He then went to serve a large quantity of lamb onto a second plate and brought it over to the table.

"Well go ahead." He told me as he sat down across the table from me.

"This looks amazing Peeta." I complemented him. "But how are we going to eat all this?" I asked, laughing incredulously.

"I was planning on sending you home with leftovers and I was going to take some over to Haymitch." There he was again, the ever thoughtful Peeta. It made me blush thinking of my own immeasurable amount of selfishness, especially in comparison to Peeta. We ate the delicious meal in relative silence for a while before Peeta broke it.

"So what brought you out today?" He asked, his blue orbs catching my eyes.

"Oh … I …. Um." I stuttered. It wasn't as thought I could say 'Well I finally decided to stop being a baby and admit my feelings for you.' I looked away from him for a second before glancing back and blushing. "Well I figured it's time to stop hiding away. I suppose I spent months questioning the universe why it would take away so many great people and leave me behind. I guess I am just starting to realize I will never have the answers to that. The fact of the matter is, for what ever reason, I did survive all the crap that went on and it is pretty insulting to all of those who didn't for me to just waste away inside. I guess I need to begin living my life." I said feeling my cheeks burn crimson. I wasn't anticipating being so up front and honest. Peeta nodded at my words, staring into his food as though maybe it may have some answers for us both.

"Do you still have nightmares?" I asked him, the question leaving my lips before I could think twice about it. Peeta seemed a little taken aback but composed himself quickly.

"I don't sleep a lot. I mean it's as thought my body is on high alert so even when I do sleep it is that half sleeping half awake. Like my eyes are resting but my body is alert." He said. I felt like he was darting around the question, as though his pride was getting the best of him and refused to allow him to admit that in his hours of sleep the fear got the better of him.

"So you haven't properly slept in months? What do you do instead?" I asked him, knowing I wasn't being subtle in the slightest with my obvious questioning.

"Usually I will paint. I guess I think if I can get the images down on paper or canvas maybe it will release them somehow they won't come back to haunt me later." I realized with those words the images that he had been painting, images of the games and the war. I nodded slowly before whispering.

"Does it work?" I watched as Peeta looked up at me sadly before shaking his head no. With his confession it dawned on me that while what Haymitch said may have been right, that we were all just searching for what got us through, it didn't necessarily mean it was working. I was proof in myself, my reclusive behavior hadn't erased the bad memories or the horrific nightmares it only left me to deal with it all alone. I decided now was time to change the subject. "I really appreciate the bread and things you left for me, especially the cheese buns." I said, smiling slightly.

"Oh… Yeah, no problem." Peeta said, color rushing to his cheeks. "I just wanted to make sure you were getting some kind of food in there. Sae said you were eating." It was my turn to blush at the idea that Peeta had been that concerned with my well being, then the comprehension at my own selfishness in not having seen or spoken to him in months.

"I am sorry that I hid away for so long." I told him, staring down at my hands. "I just didn't know how to face anyone, especially you."

"I understand Katniss, I am the last person who needs or wants your apologies or your justifications." He said gently. "I am glad you have come out now though."

"Yeah I guess the hermit lifestyle was getting a little old. I needed …" I trailed off suddenly realizing I was about to say 'I needed you'. My cheeks turned crimson for possibly the four hundredth time that night. "I needed to get a life. I was just getting to the point where I thought sitting here is killing me and I was trying so hard to just ignore the world, thinking if it disappeared then so would the memories and the nightmares and deep down I know this never works but I was just so caught up in … Well so caught up in myself, honestly. I just need to learn to live again. Then today I seen Haymitch and I walked into town and I seen everything rebuilding. I seen you and I just felt so selfish." I said, again revealing much more then I intended. Peeta reached over the table and took hold of my hand, thankful that he didn't have super human hearing or he would very well have heard my heart about to beat right out of my chest.

"You're not selfish Katniss, you are grieving and we all grieve differently. Every one is repairing from this war in our own way. Can I show you something?"

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	2. No It's Not A Good Look

**Hey =) Well I really hope someone is reading this. Even if no one is I had a nice time writing it. It's always great to have a creative outlet. So I hope anyone who does read this story enjoys it and please if you have any feedback leave me a review. It is always a great way to encourage further writing. I know this kind of story has been done to death but the song got me so inspired I just needed to get it out. I have many thoughts of a some AU stories I would like to try but I will just see what happens and how I go with this tale. Any way, as always please read, enjoy and review. D xx**

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I nodded slowly. Peeta got up from the small table and keeping hold of my hand lead me out of the kitchen and into the first floor bedroom. The room was bare of any large furniture but it did house several canvases on easels, all of which were covered by large sheets and paints, paintbrushes, mixing palates. Several more finished canvases lay propped against the walls or in piles. There was an up close painting of a single white rose that looked as though it glittered in the light and left me feeling slightly sick, a reflection of Peeta's fear filled face in the eyes of a snarling Mutt, A sickeningly bright white room with a white flat bed and table with stainless steel utensils and a congealed pool of blood draining down a small pipe in the centre of the room. I had never seen this room myself but I knew that it was Peeta's memory of being tortured in the capital. Peeta gently pulled me by my hand toward a large canvas in the centre of the room.

"So this is how I have been getting through." He told her simply before pulling the sheet away. My mouth opened into a tight 'oh'. It was a painting of me; except it wasn't me because this girl was beautiful, stunning even. She was smiling, a subtle smile that played daintily on her lips. The grey eyes not a dull lead but more a metallic silvery shine. I looked closely at the way Peeta had stroked the shadows into the skin, every bump, every jagged line, every scar was there. Yet somehow looking at the marks along the body of the painting before me I wasn't repulsed by them, somehow this depiction of those scars didn't remind me of everything I had lost. Looking at the way Peeta had painted them onto the body was beautiful. He had made them enhance the strength in the woman in his picture. She was strong and capable and I longed to be the woman that Peeta obviously seen me as. I glanced over at Peeta who was staring at me, a nervous look playing about his eyes.

"Peeta it's…" I trailed away, not sure to tell him how spectacular I thought his art was. It was as though all the words that had ever been invented could never be enough to truly describe its beauty.

"This is how I repair." He told me simply. I felt the words knock the breath out of me. My head was rushing. Did he just mean the painting? Was the painting how he was healing or was he specifically referring to painting me or even more specifically me alone? Before I could think twice the words released themselves.

"With the painting or me?" He looked at me, a look of surprise plastered across his face. I guess he wasn't anticipating me asking that. He took a moment before answering.

"You, Katniss. I heal because of you. I bake for you and it helps clear my mind, I paint you and it gets even clearer and when I seen you outside the bakery today it was as though everything else disappeared in that moment. I would have waited forever for you to come out of that house. I just want you to be ok and it gives me something to be ok for. The bakery and everything else I do, day to day, it's all just a distraction. Having you here now, it just feels right." He told me. I felt my cheeks blush scarlet.

"Haymitch was right." I muttered under my breath.

"That is the second time you have mentioned something Haymitch has said" He said looking at me quizzically.

"It's nothing. I ran into Haymitch this morning. We talked about his geese and how they get him through and how we are all are looking for something to get us through." I said, trying to play it down as though it wasn't important. Peeta nodded slowly.

"Well now you know what gets me through." I feel my insides tighten with guilt. I had locked myself away in that house and convinced myself that I was alone in everything I had been going through, acted as though I was the only person to lose someone. Selfish, selfish, selfish, I think that about sums me up. I look up from my fingers and realize that Peeta is staring at me. I feel myself blush, yet again.

"What gets you through Katniss?" He asks. I look down at my fingers yet again and begin cracking them. How the hell am I supposed to say 'well actually Peeta, now that you mention it, up until now wallowing in my own self pity and behaving like a god damn emotional spaz was my coping mechanism of sorts until I allowed it to dawn on me that it wasn't quite working out so well. So instead I decided to re-evaluate my situation to figure out what exactly it was that I needed to get myself some sort of life and I realized it was you. You get me through Peeta, all the hopes and dreams and could-be situations that come right along side loving you; that are what gets me through.' But I can't say that to him because despite my getting out and seeing the 'real world' beyond my front door I am still an aforementioned emotional spaz. Peeta can allow all the honesty to flow from his mouth with such ease and grace; it's like a river that drifts down in a natural movement to fall over into the waterfall. But I am far from graceful; I am the girl on fire, pretty from a distance but temperamental and damaging up close. Nothing flows from me, and every movement I make leaves destruction in its wake. So instead of speaking what I truly feel for him, I let the silence continue on and I pick at the skin next to my nails.

**_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo_**

**_Peeta's Point Of View. _**

She is staring down at her fingers and picking at a piece of skin beside her nail, I know she is trying to avoid my question I just don't know why. Sure I have my theories but god knows which one is correct. The last few months have been… hard, really hard. Today is the first time I have made eye contact with her since I planted the primroses in her yard. She took one look at me that day, turned on her heel and locked me out. I would continue to bake her bread and cheese rolls just hoping that one day she would come out and say 'thank you Peeta, I love you Peeta, be mine Peeta.' Every night I lay in my bed, or I sit in my study painting and I would hear her scream and fight off the over whelming urge to run over and bundle her in my arms and kiss her hair and love her. Instead I sit and I paint some more listening as her screams ebb away into the darkness of night. I have spent every month, week, day, hour, minute and second thinking of her, resigning myself to the fact that those thoughts would be all that got me through for the rest of my life, believing that her screams at midnight would be the only times I would hear her voice anymore. So today when I walked out of the bakery building and I seen her standing there I thought my heart had stopped. So what had brought her out side after months of being inside? I hoped beyond all hope that it was me. It dawned on me that we had been standing amongst my paintings in awkward silence for much too long; Katniss remained still looking down towards her hands and fiddling with the skin next to her thumb nail. I decided now might not be the time to continue questioning her, she has only just come out of hiding so now may not be the time to spook her back in. I reached out and grabbed her hand, noticing as it jolted it out of her trance.

"Hey, how about I walk you back to your place?" I asked her kindly. I watched as she looked up at me, an eyebrow arched as though she is surprised that I don't push her further. Then she smiles at me and chuckles lightly. God, I have missed that noise, that light, slightly self conscious chuckle that cuts off quickly when she realizes what she is doing. I wonder if she will ever be aware of what the laugh does to me.

"Peeta, I live 30 feet away, I am not so sure I need an escort to make it."

"You never know, Miss Everdeen." I say, keeping my hold on her hand and moving out of my house and out my front door. "It's a dangerous world out there." I said jokingly. She releases another hearty chuckle.

"Not anymore, Mellark, haven't you heard? We saved the world from all the big bad things." She laughed and looked at me with the defiant expression that they had made her wear on all the rebellion posters. I laughed at her, feeling a little surprised at her ability to make such a joke considering her recent loner status. We reached the steps at the front of her house. I stopped at the bottom and prepared to say good night.

"Do you want to come in for a little while?" She caught me completely off guard and I stumbled on my own two feet. Wow, way to go Mellark, now she is going to be reminded of what a clumsy heavy footed tool you are. I felt the heat rush to my face and hesitantly looked up, catching her eyes. She was smirking at me slightly and I could see the internal laughter she was holding back, trying to spare my already embarrassed feelings.

"Do…. Um do you want me to come inside?" I asked her awkwardly. Nice Peeta, now she will think you have lost the ability to use your big boy words as well as your feet.

"I don't usually invite people in to my home if I don't want them there." She chuckled.

"Really? No I can't say I have noticed that hesitancy on your part before." I joked. She laughed at me, that throaty, rasp of a laugh that sent a lot of energy southward of my body. She walked up her steps and opened her front door before turning over her shoulder to look at me.

"Are you coming Mellark?"

**_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo_**

I sat on the comfortable green couch that sat in Katniss' home parallel to the fire place, staring into the burnt coals that sat inside. The more I stared at the charcoaled lumps the more I was drawn to the similarities between the two of us. Both had met fire first hand and both had been burnt, left cold and blackened. I guess that sounded tragic but I'm not a fool. I know that while I try very hard to put out positive energy, there are blackened pieces of me that remain inside after the war. Pieces that I am not sure will ever heal. I may hide it well, but you know what they say, people who smile the biggest and all that jazz. I felt the other side of the couch drop down next to me and her voice pulled me from my daze. Her smile reached a part of me and I felt one of those blackened pieces break away slightly. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe there was something that could heal the scorched recess of my soul. Oh dear god, I really am tragic.

"I made you a hot chocolate." I turned to her handing me a warm mug.

"Thanks." I say, taking it from her hands and turning my body to face her more. "So your place is, nice. I really like what you have done with it." I say jokingly, knowing that our homes are carbon copies of each other. She laughs at my words and nods.

"Yeah, now that I done being a professional loner I think I might look into interior design work." I look around the room, bare of any real personal touched and chuckle at her words.

"Yeah I really like this scattered paper theme you have going on in that corner." I say lightly, pointing to a large stack that if put back together could complete a tree in it's whole. "What is all that Katniss?" I ask with a chuckle. I watch as her eyes dart over to the corner and rest on the pile. She scowls, that familiar expression that she wears so well, before turning back to look at me and shrugging slightly.

"It's my mail."

"It's your mail?" I ask confused. "But there are enough envelopes there for…" I cut off as the comprehension sinks in.

"There are enough envelopes for about six months." She finishes my thoughts.

"You haven't opened you mail this whole time." I ask.

"What part of recluse are you struggling with Mellark." She says, laughter in her voice but the joke not quite reaching her eyes.

"Well… I didn't… I guess I thought… I wasn't aware you were shut off from … everyone." I stutter. Smooth, Mellark, smooth.

"You thought that I was avoiding just you?"

"Well kind of." I shrugged. "I mean, c'mon Katniss, I see Sae here every day, Haymitch every other. I would drop off bread every morning and I hadn't lain on eyes on you for months before today." I watch as she casts her eyes downwards. Well done Peeta, you have pushed and upset her again.

"I didn't see Sae or Haymitch when they were here. I would hide up in my room and ignore them until they left. So while they may have been inside I was still locked away. It wasn't just you Peeta." She said softly. A small part of me eased inside knowing that she hadn't just been avoiding me. At least if I was a problem I wasn't the only one.

"So do you plan on going through that anytime soon?" I asked, nodding towards the miniature post office sitting inside her living room. I watched her as she bit the side of her lip, a pensive far away look on her face.

"I mean I know I should, and I am sure there are some good things in there." She said.

"Like F.J and Mongrel." Katniss looked at me with a question in her eyes.

"Is that Johanna's dog?" She asked. I nodded, smiling at her curiously.

"How did you know?"

"I heard something about it from Haymitch. She called it Mongrel?" She asked.

"You're surprised?" She frowned slightly before laughing and shaking her head.

"I guess not, no, not really." We laughed together, and I felt a pull in my stomach at the sound. Katniss turned again to look at the large pile of envelopes in the corner. "Peeta, will you… I mean, could you help me with all of that?" She asked. I raised my eyes brows at her.

"Are you asking me to help you go through your mail?" I asked her. I watched as she pulled at a strand of hair absent mindedly before turning and nodding at me.

"Would that be ok?" She asked timidly.

"Of course, that's fine." I said, smiling gently at her and nodding. "When would you like to start?"

"Would now be ok?" She asked in barely more then a whisper.

"You want to start now?"

"Well if that works for you then yes. I mean, I just don't want to lose my nerve." I reached out and squeezed her hand before getting up and walking towards the large pile. I grabbed two huge handfuls and walked back towards the couch, dropping the mail in the middle and sitting back down.

"Are you ready?" I asked her. I watched as she took a large gulp of air and nodded.

"As I'll ever be I guess." She replied.

We both picked up an envelope. I slipped my finger underneath of the edge of the seal and dragged it through, pulling it open gently. Katniss ripped off the edge of one side of the envelope completely. I couldn't help but to release an inner chuckle at how different we were, even in something small as opening an envelope. I wondered if this would be the parts we would always play together, would I always be the gentle submissive one next to her aggressive dominance. I shook my head and turned back to the task at hand. I removed the letter from the envelope and unfolded. Reading the first few lines and I felt my blood run cold. Goosebumps travelled across my body and I felt my spine become rigid. My mind started to fog and I couldn't feel my body anymore but I knew I was shaking. I could hear someone saying my name in the distance but it was as though they couldn't reach me. I balled my hands up into fists so hard that I am sure I would draw blood with my nails. I tried so hard to fight off what was coming, but reading those words pushed that trigger to throw me over the edge of no return.

_Hey Catnip._

_See he still calls her by that stupid pet name. They still love each other like they always have._

_No, this is not real. Katniss is here with me. _

_Hey Catnip. _

_You know they love each other. You were merely a toy, a distraction._

_No. She didn't even know he had sent her a letter. _

_Hey Catnip._

_Of course she knew. She just wants to rub your nose in it. She's a mutt._

_No. Katniss is beautiful. She has been avoiding everyone. _

_Hey Catnip._

_Not him. She loves him and you are a sucker who still chases the mutt who killed your family._

_No. She didn't kill any one. That was Snow. _

_Hey Catnip. _

_You know it was her Peeta. She is a Mutt. Kill her._

_No. I love her. She isn't a mutt. This is not real. _

_Hey Catnip._

_Kill her, Peeta. She is a mutt. _

_No, not real._

_Hey Catnip._

_Kill her. _

_No, not real. _

_Not real. _

_Not real._

**_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo_**

**_Katniss' Point Of View. _****__**

I tore the end off the envelope and pulled out the first letter. It was a letter from Johanna with a picture of Mongrel. I held up the picture to show Peeta. He had changed all of a sudden. His whole body was rigid and tense and he was shaking all over. His hands gripped at a piece of paper in his hand and I watched as he shook so hard it tore. I could hear him mumbling under his breath.

"Peeta," I almost yelled at him, forgetting how close he was sitting next to me. "Peeta are you ok?" I waited for an answer but none came. I listened as he continued to mumble under his breath, shaking and rocking back and forward, his eyes pressed tightly shut, stuck in some horrible image beyond that he couldn't escape. The realization hit me suddenly, Peeta was having an episode. I hadn't realized his high jacking was still effecting him like this, he hadn't mentioned anything. Though why would he, I have been hiding away for months acting like he didn't exist to me. Why would I think that 12 hours out of hiding would entitle to me to that kind of confession? I pushed all the mail off my couch and onto the floor and scooted closer to Peeta. I reached out to touch him before stopping myself. I had been on the receiving end of one of Peeta's high jacking episodes and while I didn't think he was still violent I wasn't sure now was the moment to test my theory. I leaned towards him and was able to hear some of his murmurings.

"It's not real, it's not real." I listened as Peeta repeated his mantra in a hushed whisper.

"Peeta, it's not real. Please come back to me. I can't lose you now. Please this can't be happening. It's not real Peeta, whatever you are thinking it's not real." I kept repeating the same words over and over, hoping that they would somehow reach him in the dark place that his episodes would take him. After what seemed like an eternity I watched as his body began to relax and he released his hands from the tight fist. I could see deep red marks where his nails had broken through the skin. His shaking had subsided and he slowly began to open his eyes, blinking quickly to readjust his eyes. He turned and his eyes widened with horror as they made direct contact with my own. I could feel my heart thumping against my chest and I was sure that he could see it. His expression turned from one of horror to pain as he dropped his head into his hands.

"Katniss… I am so sorry. I… Did I break anything? I should probably go. I am so sorry." He croaked before moving to get up from the lounge. I reached my arm out and grabbed at his bicep, holding him in place.

"Peeta, are you… I mean are you ok?" I asked gently. He looked over at me, the pain still evident in his eyes, stabbing my insides like a knife.

"I am so sorry, that should not have happened." He said solemnly.

"Peeta, it's not your fault. You can't help these things."

"That doesn't really make me feel better about it though Katniss." He snapped at me. "I am a man Katniss. I should be stronger and not be pulled down with this. I mean, it's not a good look, gain some self control." He said, shaking his head sadly.

"I'm sorry Peeta; I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't realize you were still having episodes." I said quietly. He nodded at me slowly.

"Yeah, they aren't nearly as bad as they were. I mean it's more of a flashback then an episode. I'm not violent anymore I just shake and get really tense and talk to myself. But I can usually control them now. If they are really strong I usually just black out and when I come around I have a really bad headache but that hasn't happened for a few months. I know a lot of the things that trigger me too so if I know I will be around something that makes them trigger I can be prepared and that usually holds them off. I am so scared if I scared you Katniss. That is the absolute last thing that I want." I shook my head at him quickly.

"I wasn't scared for me. I was scared for you. I hate that this happened to you." I told him, rubbing my hand along his arm. I had forgotten how muscular and tough his body was but feeling the way his arm twisted and tightened brought every memory rushing back. I knew now was not the time but I couldn't help the warmth from pooling between my legs. "Do you know what triggered you then?" I asked him trying to ignore the heat I felt. "Was it something I did or said?" Peeta shook his head quickly.

"No it wasn't you at all Katniss. I don't really know what happened just then." He said quickly. I nodded gently but had a strong suspicion that he wasn't being entirely honest with me. Knowing Peeta, at least the way I used to, I decided not to push the matter any further.

"Ok. Does it happen very often?"

"Not too often. I have had, maybe four or five in as many months. I just wish they would stop all together but Dr. Aurelius doesn't think that it is likely any time soon. He says I should be impressed with how far I have come." He said before shaking his head, "All I feel is embarrassed." Now it was my turn to shake my head.

"Peeta, you don't need to be embarrassed. You have no control over any of this. We all brought home our own issues from the war. I mean even me …" I trail off before I divulge my nightmares to him. He looks at me and nods gently.

"I know."

"What do you know?" I ask him, frowning with confusion.

"I know about the nightmares." He says simply. My eyes widen and I feel my face grow hot.

"What… How…"

"Sometimes when I paint late at night I hear. I mean, I have heard you screaming and I just figured that was the cause." I nod my head slowly, before thinking I probably look like a spastic bobble head. "It almost killed me you know. Sitting there and listening to you scream. I wished I could help you but I knew I couldn't or at least you wouldn't let me." I look down at my hands and begin to wring my fingers.

"I'm sorry." I whisper.

"Katniss, you don't have to apologize for having nightmares." He chuckled. I looked up and smiled shyly at him.

"Well I should get back home. It's getting late." He said, rising from my couch.

"Oh ok then. Well thanks for dinner and you know… Everything." I said, a little too quickly. All of a sudden it hit me. I didn't want him to leave. I wanted the only thing I could ever remember that kept the nightmares at bay. I wanted Peeta to hold me while we slept. I needed to feel safe again. I needed to be in his arms, where I was warm and cared for and once knew I was loved.

"Peeta," I said to him as he walked towards the door. "I have an idea of how we can keep the nightmares away."

**_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo_**


	3. You Can Lay With Me So It Doesn't Hurt

**Hi Everyone, I know it has been so long since my last chapter but hopefully you can forgive me since it was the silly season and I am sure everyone was incredibly busy. I hope everyone was very spoilt =) So hopefully you all enjoy this new chapter and I can get you excited for the next chapter. I don't think it will go where you think but should you have any guesses I would love to hear them.****I absolutely love any and all feedback from you guys so if you could, please review ! As always, read and enjoy. D xx**

**_Katniss' Point Of View. _**

"Peeta, I have an idea of how we can keep the nightmares away." He stopped, his hand still grasping the door handle. I heard him swallow loudly and I began to wonder if he knew what I was saying and if he was as nervous as I was. I didn't give myself the time to doubt what I was feeling. I let the words escape my mouth and once they had my mind started to reel. What if this was too much for him? What if he just didn't want to be near me? I know that he paints me and he said I get him through but that has been over months where I have hidden in my house like a frightened little hermit crab. He claims I get him through but maybe it's just the memory of me, maybe the Katniss from before, the non scarred, non screwy Katniss gets him through. What if the Katniss I am today is too much for him. What if I repulse him now? My heart and my head were screaming at me, both saying completely different things and both so loud until they melted together and I couldn't understand either. I looked up from my fingers, thinking quickly that I need to stop picking at the skin at the side of my nails.

"Peeta?" I questioned him, hoping to all heavenly gods that my suggestion wasn't about to push him over the edge into another episode. I watched him turn around to slowly look up into my eyes. Peeta's eyes had always been such an expressive part of him. He had always been one for words but when I gave it more thought his eyes were what sold him, a deep blue that conveyed every emotion so brilliantly. I looked into his eyes and seen his hesitation clear as day. I bit the inside of my cheek as my nervousness washed over me so completely.

"I mean… You don't have to… I was just thinking that… Well before on the tour… You know…" I began to stutter trying to backtrack out of the entirely uncomfortable situation that I had now put us in.

"You want me to say here? Stay overnight?" He asked me slowly. Now it was my turn to swallow so loud it almost echoed within my entry way.

"I… Well I mean, I just thought that… You know maybe…" I continued my very eloquent stuttering. Jesus, I sound like an absolute idiot. I could only prey that whatever God resided in heaven would head down onto earth and smite me down. I watched as Peeta took a hesitant step towards me but stopped short of reaching me. I thought I saw him reach out to grab my hand but quickly changed his mind.

"I could, Katniss. I mean if you really want I could stay here." He said. His eyes still full of hesitation. I knew, in that moment, that I needed to show Peeta not to be afraid of hurting me. He needed to be sure of how much I needed him here. I reached out towards him, gently taking his strong and calloused hand and stepping closer towards him. I looked up into his face, my eyes drinking in the sight of him. His straight nose with the light freckles scattered across the bridge, his full lips open ever so slightly, his strong jaw line that I desperately wanted to kiss every inch of, ever so softly. Oh holy crap, where did that come from? I bit the inside of my cheek again before taking a deep breath in attempt to steady my nerves.

"I really want you to Peeta. I want you to stay here. If you want to of course, I mean you don't have to. I just thought you know when we were on the tour it seemed to help to have you there and I was just thinking, I know nothing will change and we will wake up tomorrow and everything will be just as messy but you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt. For the night maybe things can feel better, maybe I can feel like a whole person." I silently prayed that I hadn't said too much and watched him stare down at our now linked hands. I saw the flicker of a smile play on his lips as he began to nod slowly.

"Yeah I will stay, I want to stay." I looked up in his eyes unable to help the smile that had broken across my lips. "I am just going to head home and grab a few things and I will come back?" He asked me. I nodded at him, feeling a desperate need to lunge forward and kiss his perfect lips in a way that I hadn't kissed him since we sat on the beach in the quarter quell. I could feel that same fire coiled in my stomach. I felt the heat radiate across my body and my heart rate quicken. I licked my lips and looked up into his beautiful eyes that now held so much hope and something else, something that had darkened the beautiful blue orbs. I felt my breath hitch with the unexpected desire that had run through my body. I leaned forward ever so slightly, hoping that Peeta picked up on my desire and would perhaps complete my wishes. Peeta cleared his throat loudly, pulling his hand out of mine and pulling me out of my sexually tense day dream.

"So I will be right back." He said before moving towards the door. I was rooted to the spot for a second after he had left. Maybe I was reading everything wrong. Maybe Peeta was not interested in me the way I was interested in him. I had been fooling myself this whole time. Now I would spend the night with him in my bed knowing that he was interested in no more then helping me with my nightmares. I was ridiculous to think that he wanted me in return, the way that I lusted after him. Peeta was a nice person, the type to help others with no expectations in return. That's all that he was doing here, helping poor broken Katniss get maybe one night of sleep. I dragged myself from my own head and went to fix my bed with new sheets before Peeta returned.

**_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo_**

**_Peeta's Point Of View._**

She had asked me to stay in her house, not just in her house but in her bed. Katniss wanted me in her bed. I was trying to keep a level head but as I watched her looking over me, a look in her eyes I had only seen once before, on the beach when she kissed me during the Quell, it became increasingly difficult to talk my excitement down. Part of me, especially the part of me that had become semi stiff since she had asked me to spend the night in her bed, was telling me just to kiss her, that she wanted me like I wanted her, to grab her and push her against the nearest wall. My body screamed at me to make her mine, bring her legs around my hips and ravish her until she screamed my name. But the other part of me screamed out 'No'. I knew I couldn't move that fast with her, Katniss was still like a wild animal and even though she had come further in the last twenty four hours then she had in the last twenty four weeks she could still be very easily spooked. So instead I cleared my throat and forced my body away from hers and to my house to pick up a change of clothes and my toothbrush. I made my way into the joined bathroom that adjoined onto my room. Stopping in front of the basin, I splashed cold water over my face. Really, I thought to myself looking down to where my still semi rigid manhood lied waiting, I should take a cold shower but I didn't want to be too long and make Katniss worry and worse come looking for me and catch me rubbing one out in the shower. I tried to calm my over eager body before grabbing the few things I needed and heading back over to Katniss' house. I reached her front door and suddenly felt slightly awkward. Should I knock or just walk back in? I know that she was expecting me back but still, this wasn't my house. I decided to air on the side of cautiously polite and knocked lightly on the door. Katniss opened the door wide, giving me a curious look before ushering me inside.

"I wasn't sure whether to knock or just come in. I thought it was better to knock just in case." I said somewhat awkwardly. I watched as she smiled to herself and shook her head.

"You don't have to knock here Peeta, god even Haymitch just invites himself in and you're a much more welcome visitor." She said to me. I nodded at her before looking towards the stairs. Did she want to go to bed now? How was I meant to ask? I really wasn't expecting it to be this awkward. I watched as Katniss began to chew the inside of her cheek, a trait I noticed in her when she was nervous. She lightly cleared her throat while looking down and picking at the skin beside her nails. "So, um are you ready to, you know?" She asked, glancing upwards to her bedroom. "Because I mean I am happy to head up now but if you aren't tired we can stay up or…" She let her thought trail away into silence.

"I could go to bed now." I conceded simply, deciding not to make the situation any more awkward by being indecisive. I followed her up the stairs and thought we would be making our way into the master room of the house. Instead she turned into the second largest room of the house. I was curious as to why she had taken this room instead of the larger one with the attached bath but decided now probably wasn't the time to ask. We entered her bedroom and I stopped just inside the door way, looking around. Her bed was against the window, I guess that made sense as to why I could hear her fighting her nightmares so clearly. There was a large worn leather chair beside the door with her fathers hunting jacket strewn over and her bow propped up against it. She had a medium sized dresser, matching the ones that sat in the bedrooms in my own house. A photo of prim and one of her father sat on top. Otherwise the room was rather void of any personal touches. Seeming to read my mind at that moment Katniss spoke.

"I know it's not much, I guess I haven't really been in the right frame of mind for decorating and honestly I wasn't ever one for many things anyway." She said, wringing her fingers together.

"It's fine Katniss." I assured her. "So… um…" I began to stutter unsure of how to ask y next question. I usually at home slept only in my boxer briefs. I had brought over some flannel bottoms and an old shirt to sleep in as I had done when I had slept with her during the victory tour but since the war I found myself become over heated during the nights. I thought back to those nights on the train, remembering the thin tights and tank tops that Katniss would wear to bed. I didn't know if that was still her nightly attire or what she would put on, I did know that there was no way I was going to be lucky enough to get her nude. I watched as she moved towards the head of her bed, lifting her pillow and pulling some clothes from underneath.

"I am just going to the bathroom to change and wash my face and…" She let the timid sentence trail away. I got the feeling she felt slightly embarrassed with placing the image of her undressing into my head. "Do you need to wash up or get changed or anything? You usually sleep in flannel bottoms right?" She asked, looking down and fiddling with her fingernails again. I felt myself flame at her question. I wasn't sure if I should just agree and put on the flannel bottoms or if I should push my luck and sleep in my briefs.

"I bought over some bottoms, yeah." I said, skating around her actual question.

"That sounds as though you don't usually wear them." She commented. I felt myself blush even further, praying that she didn't notice. She didn't wait for me to answer before continuing, "Well I hope you don't mind but I sleep in a night gown. It's nothing special but it's comfortable and it doesn't seem to irritate my scars so… You know…" Again she let her thoughts trail away.

"Is it ok with you if I wear just… um… if I only wear the bottoms but no top? I get hot during the night a lot lately." I said. I had planned on asking to only wear my briefs but I chickened out at the last second and thought it best to just stick in my flannel bottoms. I looked at Katniss as she avoided my eyes and noticed a blush had colored her cheeks. Before I could take back the request and tell her that I could sleep in a shirt, no worries, she spoke.

"Of course Peeta, that's fine. I will be back in a few minutes. Make yourself comfortable, ok." And with that she left me standing in her room, all alone.

**_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo_**

**_Katniss' Point Of View. _**

I stood back in my bathroom in front of the mirror. Was it really only this morning I stood in this very spot, coming to me big revelation and determining me to make my first real move in six months. Now I stand here, my heart having nervous palpitations, while Peeta gets ready for bed, my bed, to sleep, all night, with me. I can feel my breath quicken as the nerves over take me. He had asked if I minded him sleeping with no shirt on. I almost had to choke on my own words, stopping myself from telling him I wouldn't mind what so ever if he slept in nothing at all. I stared back at my reflection, willing my body to calm down. I had felt the heat spread across my entire body, pooling at the apex of my thighs, from the moment he agreed to spend the night here. I knew I was being crazy and getting way too ahead of myself. Only yesterday I was a self imposed hermit with no life to speak of. I was a suicidal nut job who had spent months talking to no one but the ghosts who resided in my head, ghosts whose deaths were my responsibility. Now here I was, all but forgetting about those deaths that weigh on my conscience, and concerning myself with thoughts of Peeta undressing in my bedroom. What in the world would make me believe I would be good enough for the boy with the bread, the boy who is, was and always will be too good for me. Despite knowing I could never measure up to Peeta I knew I owed it to him to give it my best shot. I quickly dragged my clothes off my body, grabbed a washer from its place hanging over the shower screen and made it wet with warm water. I washed my face and my body quickly before pulling on my nightgown. It was just a plain cotton nightgown; it was deep grey and ended about two inches above my knee. Soon after I had returned back in the district after the war I received a large parcel of clothes from my mother. She had rung me and let me know that it was a collection that Cinna had designed and made for me. I hadn't had the energy to look through the parcel but had found this garment on the top and upon running out of any clean clothing one night I was confronted with either wearing it or going naked, which has never been a preferable option for me. I untied my braid and swiftly pulled my fingers through, letting my hair fall in waves down my back. I looked back into the mirror and silently admonished myself for caring so much. I knew deep down that I shouldn't care so much about the way I looked, and Peeta's reaction to me but the other part of me felt incredibly self conscious about my body and my scars. I tried to push my mind back to Peeta's studio and remember the way he had painted me, the way his brush had turned my scars from a horrific burning reminder into a beautiful symbol of strength. I knew that in this moment I needed a little of the courage that Peeta apparently seen in me.

**_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo_**

**_Peeta's Point Of View. _**

I had stripped myself of my shirt and changed into my flannel pants while I waited for Katniss to return from the bathroom. I wasn't too sure what I should do. I know that Katniss had told me to make myself comfortable but something just felt a little too forward about going and cozying up in her bed before she had invited me in. I perched myself on the comfortable leather chair that sat by the door and waited for Katniss to return. Before long she returned, opening the bedroom door. I stood up quickly turning to face her and immediately felt the heat rise to my face as I felt the blood rush south to my manhood. I watched her eyes travel down my body and linger on my bare chest a little and noticed a blush rise in her cheeks. I could only hope that she hadn't noticed the semi forming in my flannel pants, which I was noticing didn't leave me with a lot of coverage. She looked incredible. She wore a dark grey nightgown that hugged every curve and ended above her knees, showing her incredible legs. The grey color made her eyes stand out even more and her tan skin looked amazing. The garment looked as though it had been made for her the way it fitted her so perfectly. Then it dawned on me – Cinna. She had released her hair from its usual braid and the way it fell over her shoulder and framed her face was beautiful. I wanted to reach out and run my fingers through her soft curls. I noticed the way she had thrown her hair over her shoulder, seemingly trying to cover the burn scars that licked their way up her neck. I wished she wouldn't be so insecure about them, I wished I could kiss my way up every inch of them, letting her know how beautiful I thought they were and how she should wear them with pride, a testament to her strength.

"You didn't get into bed?"

"Do you want to jump into bed?" We both talked at the same time and let out a sheepish laugh. I held out my hand a gestured to the bed.

"You get in and get comfortable and I can sort myself out around you." I told her. She nodded and smiled up at me before moving into her bed. She took the side closest to the window and wiggled down under the covers. I climbed into the bed next to her and pulled the covers over myself. She looked up at me, a curious expression on her face that made me question whether I had some how bothered her with where I was laying. She raised one eyebrow at me and the insecurity rushed over me.

"Is everything ok?" I asked her, "Did I do something wrong?" She didn't answer me, merely just sat up in the bed, throwing the covers forward and pushing the window open. She laid back and pulled the covers back up before looking towards me.

"Better?" She asked me. I smiled at her and nodded eagerly, touched that she had remembered that little quirk. She returned my happiness with a smile of her own that made my heart skip. I desperately wanted to reach out and take her in my arms, pull her against my body and kiss every inch of her.

"Good night Peeta." She said softly, pulling me out of my day dream.

"Good night Katniss, sleep tight." I told her. She turned onto her side, curling her legs up towards her chest, the same way she had all those nights on the train. I smiled at her peaceful form and took a moment to thank what ever force brought me to this moment. She may not technically be mine, I may not have her heart or even her lips but she wasn't hiding any more and I was in her bed, and that alone made today a great day.

**_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo_**

I slowly opened my eyes to the light that was streaming into Katniss' bedroom. I took a second to appreciate where I was and the position we lay together in. I was on my side with Katniss' head snuggled under my arm, her legs entwined with mine. I was thankful that we were in this position this morning, unlike three days ago when she woke up with her back pressed against me and my morning erection firmly against her. We had been spending every night together for the last three weeks. We woke in the morning and I would bake while Katniss headed out to hunt, she would then go see Sae and help with things in town that needed clearing or rebuilding. Sometimes she would come down to the bakery with me and help with the restructuring. I would go back to my house to paint, however that was the only time I was back in my house. Then every night we would come back together to cook and eat our dinner. We would watch the T.V, or Katniss would read as I drew, we would play cards or we would go through more of Katniss' mail. Thankfully I hadn't had another episode since that first one which was brought on by Gale's letter. We talked about Johanna and Annie and Beetie. The only person Katniss didn't talk about was Gale and I wasn't ready to push her towards anything. Katniss had begun to sort through the clothes that Cinna had made and had sent to her. Every single piece he had made for her fit her like a glove, accentuating her beautiful curves. I had to hand it to Cinna; he knew her so well and had done an amazing job, maybe a little too amazing. I found myself having to talk my manhood down frequently these days and making the odd trip home for the cold shower. Every night we would go to bed together, after waking the first morning pressed against each other, Katniss had begun to go to sleep tucked up under my arm. The sexual tension in the room was palpable and I desperately wished to remove the small amount of space that remained between us. To join us by the mouth, or even better to be joined together in the most intimate way, it was all I could manage to think about. Yet I still couldn't find the courage to kiss her, not even a simple peck on the cheek. I was afraid of running her off again, of scaring her back into hiding for another six months. I guess it was more then that. I knew that a deep part of me was petrified of her rejection of me and what it would do to me. Now with the starving and the games and the war behind us there was no other excuse viable other then her pure disinterest. To be finally rejected by Katniss, with no hope possible was an outcome that terrified me. I wasn't sure how I cope, I knew it would change me, and not for the better. I feared that it would bring out the hijacked version of me, only this time I wouldn't have the ability to fight him away, this time he would become who I was every day. The fear and the desire within me were fighting and I just wasn't sure who would win this internal war.

**_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo_**

I had made Katniss a lamb stew for dinner. I knew lamb was her favorite and since the downfall of the previous capital the produces from other districts were being traded more free and fair. I set the table and was just dishing out the meals when she came in. Her face was dirty, mud caked on her left cheek and twigs and leaves stuck in her braid. For the majority of women being caked in dirt and scratches, hair falling free of its carefully designed style, would be their absolute nightmare. Even girls raised in the seam of our district could still be high maintenance. I know that Katniss wasn't given the luxury of caring worrying about that kind of trivial thing growing up but I found her entering the house like a wild woman with a satisfied smile on her face, her silver eyes blazing, more desirable then any woman dolled up in dresses and heels.

"Good day hunting?" I asked her, smiling up at her. She nodded eagerly.

"Better to come home to that smell. Is that our lamb stew?" She asked.

"Yep, it sure is. I am just about to serve it."

"Think I have time for a quick shower?" She asked, gesturing her hands down her dusty body. Instead of taking in her disheveled appearance I drank in every inch of her as my eyes raked over her body. The way her hunting pants clung to her perfectly formed … Christ if I kept this up I would be the one needing a shower.

"Sure I will keep it warm. Go get clean, Everdeen." I chuckled to her. She turned on her heel and made her way up the stairs to the bathroom. I remembered I had forgotten to bring the bread that I had made in my kitchen. I decided to run and grab it while I waited for Katniss to shower. Quickly ducking up the stairs to let her know where I was heading in case she came out and couldn't find me. As I made my way towards the bathroom, passing her bedroom door a movement caught my eye. I did a double take when I realized it was Katniss. She was standing facing with her back towards me, pulling her shirt from over her head. I was rooted to the spot as she reached behind herself and snapped open the clasp at the back of her simple black bra. I watched as she moved her hands along the jagged lines of her burn scars. Before I could stop myself I was moving towards her, reaching my hands out, placing my left on her left shoulder and wrapping my right around her waist. I heard her breath hitch in her throat as my arms made contact with her skin. I pulled her braid away from the scarring that decorated her back and decided to do something I had desired for months. I leant my head down, my breath tickling her back and felt her breath quicken. I lightly brought my lips down to one of the scars and gently applied pressure.

"I know you don't see it, Katniss, but you are beautiful. The way you look in this light, the way you look covered in the forest grime, the way you wear these scars. It's beautiful." I told her before placing another kiss on a scar closer to her neck. I heard her gasp slightly at my words, before continuing kissing up her neck slowly. I reached her ear and lightly sucked the lobe into my mouth, eliciting the most appealing soft moan from her.

"Peeta." I heard her whisper.

"Don't run from me, Katniss, please." I said, holding her slightly tighter.

"I don't want to run Peeta." She said slowly turning in my arms to face me. I tried my absolute hardest not to drop my eye to her bare chest, remembering my father's words to always be a gentleman. I willed myself to keep eye contact with the stunning creature before me. Katniss was all of a sudden the girl on fire, in an entirely different way. The heat in her eyes triggered an immediate reaction in my lower half that I hoped she couldn't feel as I twitched. I nervously released my tongue to lick my lower lip. Katniss reached a hand to cup my face and lightly dragged her thumb across my bottom lip. I watched as she lifted herself onto her toes to heighten herself slightly, leaning in to my face so close I could feel her warm breath on my chin.

"Peeta," She breathed, "Kiss me."

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and are keen for more. Please review, all feedback welcome and very much encouraged =)**


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